The truth about "wise woman" and the "foolish woman" in Proverb 14:1.

Believers, consider Proverbs 14:1- "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

See the Contemporary English Version: "A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

This verse is quite popular. In all of my years of hearing it in our local churches, it has always been used in the context of demand -  "You have to be wise and build your home or else you are foolish" - wives needing to be patient, longsuffering and responsible home builders, bearing and forbearing bad behaviour from their husbands and other family members, knowing just how to raise wonderful children, being docile and doing their best to keep the home together no matter what insults or obstacles they are faced with. 

But what home can a man or woman hold together using the arm of flesh (human effort) that will fail? 

No matter how much a weightlifter trains or the level of her passion and dedication to her craft, she cannot carry more than she can carry. So what do you do when your human wisdom/strength to build your home can only manage a 50kg weight and "Time and Chance" decide to blindside you with a 1000 tonne burden that is designed to crush? Remember Time and Chance do not give notification like a Landlord before saddling anybody with their demands.

To anyone out there who is wondering why some couples just won't work through their problems and "prefer" to tear down or break their homes, just be thankful that God has spared your own home the vagaries of "Time and Chance" and has not allowed Satan to tempt you beyond what you can bear. The ONLY reason why all marriages that are still intact today are so is because the parties have not encountered a weight that they cannot carry (see 1 Corinthians 10:12-13.) Any home will break under a weight that is too much for it to bear. The arm of flesh will fail.

Back to Proverbs 14:1- "A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

Believer, this verse does not by any means refer to human strength or wisdom at keeping your home together. "Wisdom" here does not refer to the intelligence, patience, longsuffering, smarts, will-power or marital skills of women in keeping it together. 

"Wisdom" and "Foolishness/Folly" are two walking, talking entities that feature prominently throughout the Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 9 opens thus:

Wisdom has built her house;

    she has set up its seven pillars.

2 She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;

    she has also set her table.

3 She has sent out her servants, and she calls

    from the highest point of the city,

4     “Let all who are simple come to my house!”

To those who have no sense she says,

5     “Come, eat my food

    and drink the wine I have mixed.

6 Leave your simple ways and you will live;

    walk in the way of insight.”

"Wisdom" is a Person. His name is Jesus Christ. See this in 1 Corinthians 1 - ("according to the flesh" here means "by human effort.") - with emphasis on verse 30-

26 "For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 

30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”"

Wisdom is a Person. His name is Jesus Christ. Recall Proverbs 14:1 says: "A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

Believer, Jesus Christ is our Wisdom from God. He is the "Wisdom" that Proverbs 14:1 is talking about and not our smarts and ability to bear and forbear in order to build our home. Christ holds everything together, moreso for all who believe. Colossians 1:17 says of Him:

"He existed before all things, and all things are held together in Him."

"A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom,..." is simply another way of saying "A woman’s family is held together by her Jesus Christ,".

The Good News Translation of Colossians 1:17 says: "Christ existed before all things, and in union with Him all things have their proper place."

Things fall out of "their proper place" when we put aside our Wisdom from God and depend on our human effort, smarts and will-power to build and keep our home together. This dependence on Christ as our Wisdom from God to build our home for us does not mean that as believers, we just sit idly on our hands and do nothing as antichrist pastors like to say. Some people, even those who profess Christ have said to me- 

"So Jesus will come down from heaven and write that article for your client and pay your bills. You still have to play your part by writing it." 

But here is my personal experience: even when I'm hunched down for hours in front of my laptop, back aching and eyes sore from lack of sleep/writing technical pieces on subjects that I know nothing about at 3am in the morning, I know it's not me but Christ in me. No longer I that live; and the method and outcomes always amaze me. 

Rest in Christ is not inactivity. Rest in Christ is Holy Spirit-directed activity. It is God who gives power to create wealth according to Deut. 8:18. Wealth covers health, protection, wholeness, peace, making good decisions, financial prosperity and virtues like patience, longsuffering, etc; every earthly good. His blessings in our lives are so supernaturally natural that we think we did good all by ourselves. The woman who thinks she can build or maintain her house with her own hands (human effort) will only succeed in tearing it down with those same hands. Psalm 127:1 says-

"Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain."

Does this mean that we leave our homes open for invaders to enter and do as they like or let our children run free like animals since Jesus is building and on guard? Certainly not! It's like a Christian who builds a house and hires a security company to watch over his family who live in it. All of our efforts would be in vain if Christ is not the One doing. But this is not to say that the believer who rests in Christ idly waits for an angel to come and stack building blocks into a house for him or waits for an angel to hire a security firm to watch over his family where security threats abound. It is God who gives power to create wealth according to Deut. 8:18. WE GET TO CREATE THE WEALTH. In Christ, we trust in Him with all our heart and do not lean on our own understanding- see Proverbs 3-

5"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

See the Good News Translation: 5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. 6 Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way."

In Christ, depending on/trusting utterly in Him and putting absolutely no confidence in our own wisdom, decision-making skills, will-power, marital skills or smarts aka arm of flesh, the thoughts of the Holy Spirit become our action. God works in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure (see Philippians 2:13.) Colossians 1:17 says:

"In union with Him all things have their proper place."

Based on the leading of the Holy Spirit that dwells in the believer, he might or might not hire security. Common sense aka earthly wisdom says- “Hire a security firm because threats abound.” But the right/common sense thing to do is not always the Spirit thing to do. If the believer decides to hire security -  believing that it is God who works in him the desire and the ability to do His good pleasure and knowing that apart from Christ, he will mess things up - he will not hire one that will end up being the thief/murderer that he is trying to keep away from his family.

When your Wisdom from God (Jesus Christ) is the one holding your home together, the thoughts of the Holy Spirit become your action. You will find yourself making the right decisions even concerning seemingly inconsequential things like what to do with leftover food:), yet not us but Christ in us.

But what about Foolishness by which the home is destroyed or pulled down? Recall:

A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

Foolishness/folly is also pictured as a person in the same Proverbs 9 where it is written that "Wisdom has built her house." Just like Wisdom, she is also calling out to people:

13"Folly is an unruly woman;

    she is simple and knows nothing.

14 She sits at the door of her house,

    on a seat at the highest point of the city,

15 calling out to those who pass by,

    who go straight on their way,

16     “Let all who are simple come to my house!”

To those who have no sense she says,

17     “Stolen water is sweet;

    food eaten in secret is delicious!”

18 But little do they know that the dead are there,

    that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead."

We can end this here by saying that Jesus Christ who is Grace-personified (Titus 2:11) is our Wisdom from God that came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. He is the "Wisdom" that holds the home together. And what takes people to the realm of the dead? It is trying to obey the law in order to be godly - "The letter (law) kills." The foolish woman is the one who depends on her own arm of flesh (human effort at obedience) to build her home. With her own hands, she pulls it down. But let's dig deeper- 

Remember Proverbs 14:1 says: "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

See the Contemporary English Version: "A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

So who are the foolish that pull down their home with their HANDS? Simply put, they are the ones who depend on their arm of flesh (human effort at obedience) to achieve anything at all. We see an example of "the foolish" in God's word to the Christians in Galatia:

"You foolish Galatians! Who put a spell on you? Before your very eyes you had a clear description of the death of Jesus Christ on the cross! 2 Tell me this one thing: did you receive God's Spirit by doing what the Law requires or by hearing the gospel and believing it? 3 How can you be so foolish! You began by God's Spirit; do you now want to finish by your own power? 4 Did all your experience mean nothing at all? Surely it meant something! 5 Does God give you the Spirit and work miracles among you because you do what the Law requires or because you hear the gospel and believe it?" Galatians 3:1-5.

The foolish woman who pulls her home down with her own hands is the person who depends on his/her own power to build his/her home, expecting that things in life will hold together be in their proper place through the application of law-keeping, human knowledge, intelligence and smarts and not what Christ our Wisdom from God has done freely and is still freely doing. 

Beloved of God. Never trust yourself. Of ourselves, we don't even know where our next breath will come from! Trust in the one of whom it is written in Daniel 5:23-

"...God who holds your life-breath in His hand and who controls the whole course of your life."

Beloved of God, trust in Christ with all your heart. Don't rely on what you think you know. Tell Him every detail of your life. Then, He will direct your path. By God's grace, when you read Proverbs 14:1-

"A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."

-by God's grace, never see it as a demand on you to perform and produce results through your own hands aka human striving (arm of flesh) that will fail. Instead, see this:

"A woman’s family is held together by her Jesus Christ, but it can be destroyed by her dependence on her own human effort at producing godliness and right living."

See Christ as your Wisdom from God who holds your family together for you. Remember Colossians 1:17 says of Him:

"He existed before all things, and all things are held together in Him."

Does your family seem to be collapsing right now? For all whose homes/marriages tasted like wine at the beginning but is now tasting somewhat like water, the initial attractions fading away or gone, there's hope. It's no coincidence that the first miracle that Jesus performed was turning water into wine....at a marriage ceremony! And not just a cheap kind of wine but the best. According to natural law, some very good wines take up to 150 years to age to perfection. Christ compressed this process into seconds and without the foundation of grapes!

So no matter how your home started out (no right foundation to make the best wine, just like the water in the jars at the wedding in Cana;) and no matter how bland and watery your marriage has become, Christ will transform you and your home when you, by Grace, invite Him into your situation. He is willing. He will put everything in its proper place. He will keep it together for you and you will love it! He loves us so.

The Holy Spirit will teach you all things.